Since I've been talking to one of my best friends about CSPs recently, I figured that it'd be a sign to write about Mr CSP.
Now before I start the story, I need to mention that prior to Mr CSP, the whole concept of CSP'ing wasn't in my mindset and wasn't something that I really understood. Back then, I still believed that you should be intimate only with your partner and that if you slept with someone, it was because there was something there. oh boy...did my mentality change after this.
It all started off as simply as being taken out for a birthday lunch by Mr CSP and just talking as friends. To be honest, I never really considered him at all and I was just happy to get a free feed since I was starving (mean right?). There wasn't really much to talk about since him and I hadn't really spoken before so there was a few awkward moments. I was releived when I got home.
Over the next few weeks, the chasing began and he was messaging me on MSN whenever I was on and kept trying to keep a conversation going. We eventually got to a point where we were talking about our past relationships and he shared the story of being with his ex for 6 years and ending it because it wasn't what they wanted. They would've been happy to marry each other, but it would've been more out of comfort as opposed to fireworks in the air. Since then, he had been miserable and really looked down on himself. Me being me, gave the kind words you'd say to a stranger based on what I knew of him (and back then, he did seem like a nice guy...like everyone is).
The next day, he asked me out to dinner and before I knew it, we had our first date.
A couple of weeks went by and I was starting to get interested in him and realised he was feeling the same way, but it was all about taking things slowly..or so we planned. Within a couple of days, we were spending a weekend down at the coast where we did it for the first time. And that's when it started getting weird.
Sex wise, he was lousy but the fact that I was getting sex, plus with my innocent way of thinking back then, led me to beleive that something was going to develop. We met a couple of times a week to grab a quick bite and then to have sex. We'd text each other during the day, so it got me thinking that we were on the road to becoming an official couple. Oh wow, was I ever so wrong.
As the months went by, the sex continued but it was just routine, and the messages started becoming a lot less frequent. The only time a text would come in was when he wanted sex and me being an idiot, fell for it and always came over. It didn't know what time it was, I made time for it. I was able to be manipulated so easily and he had me wrapped around his fingers. In fact, so wrapped that I didn't even suspect that he was chasing after another girl - a taken girl actually.
I eventually found out about her and yet I still believed that I would have a chance before of the fact that logically, I would be the right choice because I was the single one. Unfortunately, the fact that the other girl was unavailable, made him want her so much more.
So....the situation came to the point where I liked him, he liked the taken girl and the taken girl liked him back but was going to stay with her boyfriend. What the hell?
Looking back, if I had known that it was going to be that messy, I would've walked around and went on with my life, but I guess that's the reason why we look back...so we can realise just how much we have grown since that time.
The activities with Mr CSP continued on and off for probably around 1 year before it eventually hit me that he really really REALLY was a bad guy and wasn't worth all the heartache. I used to talk to him every now and then and he's still the same asshole as he was back then. He has no structure in his life, yet he expects to be with someone who does and knows what they are doing with their life. I would say a lot more but I'll play it down for his sake.
I will have to admit that things with Mr CSP was probably the most messed up situation that I have ever had (and that's saying something) - it tormented me to death but it made me open my eyes more to what society had become and that what I had orignally believed, wasn't seen as the societal norm anymore - it was just an idealist's dream.
So what's my tip for those who are considering a CSP?
- Make sure you set your boundaries of what you can and cannot do
- Make sure you both are aware of where you both stand (friends, potential lovers, just CSPs etc) - without this, it leads to a lot of grey areas in the future
- Make sure you actually get a benefit from the agreement and it isn't just you pleasuring him all the time
- Treat the CSP as part of your schedule - make them put in "bookings" for you and don't always be available for them
- Give the CSP a test drive to see if they are actually what you want. If they can't satisfy you, it's time to move along
- Most importantly, don't get attached especially if you know that they aren't interested and don't intend to pursue a relationship with you.
