In early August 2011, I met someone at a mutual friend’s BBQ. For privacy reasons, I shall call that person LT. LT was with his girlfriend and at that time, I was interested in the host of the party. During that night, word came across that I was studying to become a personal trainer, which sparked LT’s attention. Turns out, it was a mutual interest, as he was an Exercise Physiologist. We spoke that night briefly and that was the end of that…so I thought.
A couple of days later, he added me on Facebook and he started to message me privately before asking for my mobile number. I had a bit of resistance at first since he was a taken guy, but I gave it the benefit of the doubt that perhaps he was just that kind of person and passed it on. And the messages began.
At first, it was just all general topics of what we were interested in etc, and then he said that he wanted to train me and we arranged a time to do my pre-assessment. What was meant to be a 1hr assessment turned to a 3 hour session of talking about a lot of random topics and we didn’t finish the assessment. We had raised the issue that his girlfriend wasn’t feeling too easy about him being friends with me and I told him that I felt a bit uncomfortable too but said he had nothing to worry about. He took me to go play touch with his friends and I thought that was the end of that. Nope, not even close.
The messages continued and we met to finish off the pre-assessment. During this time, we were just talking like friends and it was all fine. He left me with his playlist since I liked it so much. That following Friday, he came over in the late hours of the evening because he wanted to “listen to the music” as well. Turns out it was the start of some long chats about anything and everything…what we affectionately called ‘blanket chats’.
It came close to the Ekka holiday and I was starting to think that we were getting a bit too close for comfort as friends with the amount of time we were spending together just purely chatting until the early hours of the morning. So I confronted him about it and said that it was best that we back off for the sake of his girlfriend. It was that night that we both admitted that we were in the grey area but we should back off.
The next day we met up briefly to talk about it and he finally accepted that it was best we didn’t talk for a while. That night, he went and told his girlfriend about us.
Four days on, I caved in and made contact just to say that this sucked, but he was the one to lead on the messaging again and from there, the cycle began.
What’s the cycle you ask?
1. We talk and get along well for a couple of weeks - including blanket and late night chats.This went on for 4 months…
2. I would start to feel uncomfortable and that it’s getting too close for comfort
3. I would have ‘the talk’ with him saying that we need to back off and that it’s hurting that it’s like this.
4. He would say that he doesn’t like to go with what society accepts and sees both me and her in his future and wishes that there were 2 of him to keep us both happy
5. He would understand that we need to back off
6. There would be some physical contact (only 2nd base max)
7. Not talk for a certain period of time (sometimes a day, sometimes a week, nothing longer than 2 weeks though)
8. He would break the ice.
9. Start the cycle all over again.
Did we sleep together? Yes, only on a couple of occasions. Who provoked all physical contact? Him.
In amongst those 4 months, we had experienced quite some highs and lows. Near the 3rd month mark, I got really angry at him because he said that I worried too much over nothing. So I did something that I shouldn’t have done. I went to LT’s gf’s ex, who was a friend of mine, and told him the whole situation, giving me his word that he wouldn’t tell anyone.
Then came a mutual friend’s Christmas party in December and something that I didn’t think happen occured, LT got kicked in the balls by the ex. To this day, I still have no idea why he did it, but people suspect it’s because of what he knew.
The following day, I accidently opened up to another friend of the situation. Turns out word had gotten out already.
Come a couple of days before Christmas, I get asked to meet with LT early in the morning to discuss a serious issue. The issue being that the girlfriend (by then, fiance) had found out. I got asked who I told and I only mentioned the friend, not the ex. It was an hour of “you knew this was coming, I tried to warn you, now that it’s happened - you need to deal with the consequences” and him FINALLY admitting that he wanted to be with her and we both accepted that this would be the last time we were ever talk again.
When I spoke to my friend, he admitted that he was the one who told the fiance that rumours were going out, but it wasn’t him saying it. Instead, it was the ex. I admitted this to LT and got a bit of a lashing at him. Now after that, the fiance is still pointing fingers at me for being a home wrecker and spreading the rumours.
Now, I’m not going to be someone who will try to justify my actions because I will openly admit that I was in the wrong to get involved with a taken guy, eventhough I did try to push back. I just didn’t push back enough to convince LT otherwise. But I will defend myself in saying that I’m not the only culprit in this entire saga. It took 2 to tango and from what I’ve heard, the other partner has yet to tell his fiance the entire truth of everything that has happened.
For me to get blamed for being a home wrecker, ok fair enough, but she needs to understand that while I may have been a temptation, he was the one who gave into temptation and followed through.
I know that this post will never get through to her, and even if she did, she would never accept that this is my side of the story. I don’t blame her, I would do the same if I was in her position. But what I do want to say, girl to girl is this: “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame of me”.
In the long term, I hope that she will understand that I’ve done her a favour. She’s opened up Pandora’s box before she made a vow to spend her whole life with someone who she didn’t entirely know. Within time, the truth will come out and justice will prevail. I know that I’ve gotten my karma for this situation, but I am picking my fights and this time round, I am willing to take the bullets. For those who know me, I’m usually the Alpha female who will take on any fight, but this is know that I know I’ll lose.
If anything, this will be a test of true character to see what they are like. If they are going to be childish to spread out rumours and call me a homewrecker publicly, then so be it. They choose to be like that but I know better. My family and close friends know the truth and it’s the one who don’t runaway during this time that I know are my true friends.
So there is a positive ending to the saga, I just need to wait to get there before I can finally put everything to a close.
So what's happened now you ask?
Nothing. I have learnt to accept that he will be staying with her and that she's the one he's chosen to be with. I will admit I am still moving on and with every passing day, I am getting better. I start to think about him less, I miss him less and I am slowly starting to re-create the moments that he and I once shared into moments that I can cherish with just myself or with another significant other.
I will call this the bittersweet love story of 2011.
