Undestined Fate

Lately I've been thinking about the concept of "fate" and "destiny" and whether or not it really is something that does happen in life, particularly with love. I can still remember looking back at my past and recalling moments when I would tell someone (or they would tell me), "No doubt that our paths will cross again and we will be together then/again".

I really question to think if this is really something that happens in real life beyond the autobiographies we read about.

But then the realist in me comes out and I start to think about crossing paths. Perhaps we do cross paths with the one we once loved, but maybe then we realise that we aren't meant to be. Instead, we cross paths so we can reflect on where we once where and where we are now...

And this is how the story of Joseph begins.

This is going to be really embarassing, but Joseph was my first online boyfriend. I know I know, I can hear all the laughter already. I was 13 and if you read my previous blog, I was quite sheltered so online chatrooms was my only avenue for social interaction with anyone apart from school.

Coincidently, Joseph was also 2 years older, just like DT, but he was from Sydney. The same old story as how it all starts, we start to talk and we got to know each other. Now remember, this is based on high school social interactions, this is how we got together.

Me: "So...I think I like you"
J: "I think I like you too...."
Me: :)
J: "Will you go out with me everythough we can't go out?"
Me: "Yes"

And just like that, we were "boyfriend and girlfriend"....

We had never met each other but we spoke online everyday and it gradually progressed to talking on the phone every afternoon - oh man that was an expensive few months on the home phone - eck! We spoke about our day and our plans for me to move down to Sydney after grade 12 to be with him...oh how naive I was back then. I was blinded with what I thought was my first love...until 4 months later when we broke up. I honestly can't remember how I reacted to the break up but I don't think there was any tears. If there were, I must've repressed it out of my mind. One of the things that I do remember is that one of our songs was Utada Hikaru - First Love. Even up to today, everytime I hear that song, he will pop up in my mind and I will usually have a bit of a giggle thinking of how foolish I was back then.

And you never really realise how foolish you were until you are faced with your past again, which is what happened to me...10 years later.

When I was living in Sydney last year, I met up with a few family friends for lunch. Of course, me not knowing many people down south, I was quite a stranger and so when their friends came to say hi, I just acted polite and said hi and that was all. Out of all the people, one of them was Joseph, but I didn't realise it was him until after he left to sit down at his table and my family friend told me. After lunch, we went outside for a bit and Joseph was having a smoke. I had a look at him, and then my friend teased him to see if he remembered me or not. After a few moments, I couldn't take it seriously anymore, laughed and walked off without looking back. It was definitely an interesting moment for me.

That night, I started to think about what would have happened if we did keep in contact within those 10 years and that I did move down to Sydney after high school? I then looked into it more and realised just how much we had both changed. Not that social status matters to me much, but I was working in one of the largest telco's in Australia and had a double bachelor's degree, whereas from what I was told, he was drug dealing and was also an electrician. He also was a smoker - a massive no no for me. But if we did stay in contact, would I have become the druglord's chain-smoking trophy wife? Would I even had had a degree? Would have I even been to uni, let alone had aspirations?  Knowing how much of a sucker I was back then, chances are - I wouldn't have wanted to pursue a career, I would've aimed to just please my husband and have kids early.

So while fate didn't cross our paths to fall in love, it did let us cross so it gave me a chance to look directly at my past and to just see how far I had come since then. Not just in terms of physical appearance and social profiling, but also how I had developed as a person on the inside. Joseph and I may not have been destined to be together, but we were destined by fate to meet so that we can move forward knowing just how much we had come since that moment.

Moral of the story? What one thinks fate has installed for them, may not always be the case. Just be sure that when you are encountered with a moment that seems like you are meant to be with someone, that it could perhaps be a reflection point as opposed to a re-ignition point and that my readers, is undestined fate.